I got married about two weeks ago now, in a simple ceremony in a registry office, with just two witnesses to an amazing woman. Yes I said woman—I married my Swedish partner of 3 years Mona, who is very much a woman.

We kept the marriage secret not telling anyone, because we wanted to keep it simple. But we plan to organise a celebration with friends and family sometime next year.

The words Mona said to me at the beginning of our relationship, when I was resisting the obvious is “It’s only love Jacqueline, what are you afraid of…it’s only love.

These simple words really shook me to the core, melting away my defences, but her words also got me thinking, why was I so resistant, because in the end—it is only love isn’t it?

But I like everyone else I guess, was scared of societies negative judgments.

Writing this is making me laugh right now because, honestly marrying a woman was the last thing I could have expected for myself, although it’s true that I had relationships with women in the past.

The funny thing is, Mona came from a long marriage and has only ever had one man her whole life never previously having any trace of an attraction to another woman.

But well—life can be strange sometimes can’t it? 

I believe there are no accidents and nothing random in the universe—It’s obvious we were meant to be together.

I met Mona at the Oneness University in India (now called O and O academy) in 2015. It was an extraordinary first meeting and one, which took us both by surprise.

Our story is crazy, very special and somewhat unbelievable.

It was clear that our connection was special from the first moment we met and there are so many incredible details I could share with you all, but honestly, this isn’t the right forum to share it in, I think I’ll wait to write it all down in a book sometime in the future.

So watch this space and maybe when you read my book you’ll agree with me…

But for now, I want to focus this blog post on the HUGE subject of sexuality, because I know some readers of this blog, including some friends, struggle with this area of their lives and find themselves feeling confused and scared about speaking openly about it.

So I’m going to attempt de-mystify this somewhat taboo subject by sharing my own experiences honestly and openly, in the hope that it will help everyone out there that is struggling with this aspect of their lives.

Sexuality, or the question of whether we are attracted to the same sex, to the opposite sex, whether we think of ourselves as gay, straight, homosexual or heterosexual is the huge social dilemma many of us struggle with isn’t it?

And yes, I’ve also had my own personal struggles with my sexuality,

But looking back over years, from the first inkling of an attraction to another woman during my second year of Polytechnic to now, I’m happy to say that my struggles have decreased over time and with acceptance of myself.

For me up until my early twenties I considered myself totally heterosexual, the question of sexuality never arose, because as far as I was concerned I was a girl who liked boys and that’s all there was to it.

I now see sexuality as something fluid not something static, as over the years I’ve found myself moving in and out of so called hetero and homo sexuality.

But is it so necessary to put ourselves into the boxes society labels us with? Does it really matter who we love in the end?

And although the sense of attraction I felt for the women at Poly was totally innocent and subtle, it still felt strange, to see her as just another friend one day, then to suddenly find myself having a curious interest for her the next.

I suppose it felt both scary and exciting at the same time.

I dared not say anything to anyone about this strange sudden attraction, so just watched her with admiration from a distance.

Luckily this event coincided with my work experience year in Germany. I knew the anonymity of a new country would give me the perfect opportunity to explore this new, unfamiliar side of myself.

But things never work out quite the way we imagine do they?

During my first week at work I met a male work colleague, whom I’ll call Otto, and we hit it off immediately. Otto started taking me out and introduced me to all his friends. Once I started going out, my plan to explore my sexuality quickly got shelved—because I was having way too much fun being wined and dined by a host of men.

It wasn’t until a month before I was due to leave Germany that I met the girlfriend of the only other black person in the village. For the purpose of this post I’ll call her Stacey.

The first time I met Stacey, she invited me out to a once a month women only club in Dusseldorf.

This was to be the start of a 10-year phase of my relationships with women.

After I left Germany, I went back to Polytechnic to finish my final year of study and came out to all my friends and when I finished my studies and moved back to London, I also came out to my family.

It sounds all so cosy and easy doesn’t it?

But don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy at all! Because not all my family members accepted my choice of having female partners.

In coming out, I lost contact with some family members and it took many years before that connection and contact resumed. I often found myself in uncomfortable and sometimes heated conversations both with family members and friends, where the main argument boiled down to my sexuality.

I also experienced verbal and physical abuse from total strangers.

Nevertheless, although coming out and openly declaring my love for women was scary and difficult, it was vitally important for me to do, because it gave me the inner freedom I needed to be myself.

Being able to live freely in my twenties was as important to me as it is for me today, because for me, living the truth of who I am is as fundamental as breathing.

And although it’s true that same sex relationships are not everyone’s cup of tea, for the most part I’ve felt supported by my family and friends.

That’s my story—I know this is perhaps not everyone’s story.

I understand that coming out is a huge challenge that can feel like opening Pandora’s box of uncertainties.

Telling our parents we’re attracted to the same sex is the biggest and probably most terrifying challenge we face isn’t it?

We feel terrified because we have no idea whether we’ll be accepted, rejected or disowned by our parent’s right?

But what’s important here? Do we live the life our parent’s want for us, or the life we want for ourselves?

This is what we have to decide.

Of course our parents love us and want the best for us, but we have to make the choices that are right for us, just as our parents make the choices that are right for them.

Life is about making choices and we all have the right to choose who we love don’t we? Because it is after all only love isn’t it?

So I believe the key here is acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves the way we are.

Because just as Sri Bhagavan says, when we can overcome our own struggle to accept ourselves the way we are, the easier it will be for others including our families to accept us.

Learning to love ourselves whether we love the same sex or the opposite sex is the challenge.

Loving ourselves and being proud of who we are, opens the doors for others to love us for who we are.

And if our family or friends cannot accept our choices, that’s up to them. Sad as this may be, we have to accept that they also have the right to choose.

We have to then decide whether their happiness is more important than our own.

When we make life decisions that go against the norms of society, we have to be prepared for the consequences those decisions could present. This means we have to also be prepared for the possibility of being rejected or disowned.

And whilst we may think—if our family and friends really love us they’ll accept us, we must acknowledge that this may not happen. 

Harsh as it may seem, we cannot control how others think, feel or behave, we can only control our own thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

Coming to terms with this crucial truth releases us from the burden of trying to please others.

Because in the end we all deserve to love and to be loved no matter what form that love takes right? Should it matter whether that love is for someone of the same sex or the opposite sex?

This is the choice every individual has to make.

Today I think of my relationship with Mona as simply a love relationship. Forgetting about all the labels society wants to puts on us, we are just two women who happen love each other.

Because it is after all only love isn’t it?