What Is Acceptance?

I love this quote from Eckhart Tolle because it hits the nail bang on the head of what I believe acceptance
to be. 

Acceptance is welcoming, embracing and integrating everything the present moment has to offer, without
judging it as good, bad, right or wrong. 

It’s your ability to develop a non-judgemental outlook regarding the present moment, that’s the all-
important skill that has the power to change the way you experience life, as well as the way you interact
with others.

However, although the teaching sounds simple, it’s actually one of the most difficult things for many of
us to do, especially when it comes to applying it to ourselves in our daily lives.

Accepting whatever the present moment contains in its entirety is the challenge because we’re much
more accustomed to resisting the reality that’s presenting itself than we are to accepting it. 

Human beings are never pleased or satisfied with what the present moment is offering. 

The human mind is always trying to change the present reality, which is why the practice of acceptance is
such a struggle for most of us.

And yet, the act of resistance (the opposite of acceptance) and the effort it takes to fight against reality,
only serves to exhaust your energies and stops you experiencing the learning, benefits and growth the
present moment has to offer.

Acceptance Is A Process

As someone who enjoys observing the complexities of the daily life I experience, regarding my own
journey into greater acceptance, I’ve come to realise that acceptance, just like everything else in life, is a
process.

The more I chip away at my resistance, the more I naturally fall into acceptance, inner peace and
surrender.

Of course, moving from resistance into greater levels of acceptance is a continuous journey, one requiring
lots of patience, self-awareness and the willingness to really see, listen and hear yourself.

This means observing your resistance in action.

Yet, this deeper level of acceptance is not an easy or fast journey for most of us, but it is a journey well
worth taking because it eventually leads us to greater self-knowing, increased freedom and lasting
positive change in our lives.

Learning to accept the reality that’s there, not only improves the relationship you have with yourself but
also transforms the relationships you have with others, by allowing you to become flexible, more tolerant
and better able to flow with the twists, turns and curveballs life might throw at you.

Why Is It So Difficult To Accept The Present Moment?

Why is it such a big deal for you to accept the present moment and why do you struggle so much to
accept yourself and therefore struggle even more to accept others?

Well, I think the answer to both these questions lies in the last sentence; your lack of acceptance of the
present moment and thus of others stems from your innate lack of acceptance of yourself.

It’s your inability to love and fully accept yourself flaws and all that’s the biggest obstacle preventing you
from accepting and being satisfied everything else in life. 

So the journey into acceptance is really a journey into self-love. 

Your struggle to love and accept yourself is linked to your in-acceptance, dislike or shame regarding parts
of your personality; family background, educational level, social standing and upbringing, just to give a
few examples.

Acceptance Leads To Freedom

All of you have a shadow or dark parts of yourself you’re ashamed of and wish to hide from the world.
You try your best to hide these parts because you fear being judged as being ugly—I’m not just talking
ugly in the physical sense. 

All you want is to be seen by the critical, judgemental outside world, as being genuine, successful,
loving, caring and sharing.

Therefore, the very thought of someone knowing your true inner character terrifies you to your core,
which is why you do your best to hide from the world.

For me, this fear even extended to being ashamed of where I lived.

I grew up on a council estate in Wembley called Chalkhill. As I grew older, the more notorious my estate
became and the more ashamed I became of living there. 

So, when friends or dates, who had no previous knowledge of where I lived, offered to drive me home, I
would ask them to drop me off at strategic points, where the high-rise buildings of my estate couldn’t be
seen. Then I would walk the rest of the way home. 

I did this many times over the years because I was afraid these people would think less of me, would
judge me negatively or even worse, wouldn’t want to date or be my friend anymore.

However, what I came to realise is that the importance you give to how others perceive you, diminishes
and becomes less significant, the more you can fully accept all facets of yourself. 

The greater the acceptance you have over all aspects of who you are, the less others’ perceptions or
opinions matter and the more freedom you have to be who you truly are.

Rejecting The Present Moment Is A Learned Response

When it comes to your refusal to accept the present moment, this is interesting, because I think rejecting
the present moment is a learned response and one, which has its root in how you perceive reality.

Right from birth, your notions of reality are being shaped by the positive and negative experiences you
encounter in your daily life and the decisions you make regarding these encounters.

As a child you make unconscious decisions about the things you like and don’t like, naturally wanting
more of the things you like and less of the things you don’t.

As you continue reacting to stimuli positively or negatively, these repeated reactions form into the habit
patterns of your mind.

So, by the time you reach adulthood, the habit of wanting more of the things you enjoy and
unconsciously pushing away the things you don’t, have become automatic responses for you.

Therefore, for you, accepting the reality that’s presenting itself, means accepting only the good that’s
being presented. When you’re presented with a reality you don’t like, your natural programmed response
is to reject it. 

This resistance can be directed towards something simple, for example not liking the weather, but can
equally be aimed at something much more emotionally threatening like the death of a loved one, a serious
illness or living with chronic pain.

Nevertheless, however much you try to resist the moment, doesn’t change the truth of the moment, nor
does it make it disappear. The reality of the moment remains the same whether you choose to accept it or
not.

For example, when you have chronic pain, fighting against the pain and trying to push it away doesn’t
change the fact that pain is there. However, surrendering and relaxing into the pain can actually relieve
and reduce the intensity of the pain you’re feeling.

Surrender Means Letting Go 

So, in life, you can either choose to surrender to or you can struggle and fight.

I think it’s important to point out that surrendering doesn’t mean giving up; it doesn’t mean you’ve lost or
have been defeated. Surrender simply means letting go of the inner conflict.

Surrender is actually a huge part of the acceptance puzzle because surrendering to the reality of the
moment frees up all the energy you waste when fighting against it. 

Fighting a reality, you cannot change closes you down, narrows your view and exhausts you, whereas
surrendering to it opens you to see the bigger picture and exposes the learning the situation has to offer.

So, in order to move forward in your journey into greater acceptance, you have to accept not just the good
things you enjoy, but also the difficult, the challenging, the things you hate, disagree with, wish to avoid,
cannot control and the things you cannot change.

Total acceptance means accepting, welcoming and embracing all of these aspects with love. Resisting by
contrast only heightens the pain and suffering you’re experiencing.

To live life completely, you must understand that life is not only the good—shit really does happen, but
that’s okay. 

Accepting reality as it is, enables to you handle whatever life throws at you.

When you work with life and not against it, not only do you gain greater freedom, it also leads to lasting
change and positive transformation in your life.