These are strange times, aren’t they? We’ve all been hit by Corona fever (excuse the pun). Life has literally come to a standstill as many governments around the world put their countries into lockdown for the first time in recorded history, to prevent the spread of the virus and to potentially save lives.

However, not all countries went into lockdown. 

Where I am in Sweden, rightly or wrongly, a lockdown was not imposed …in fact for the everyday person, I would say that life seemingly continued almost as normal. And if truth be told, if I didn’t know there was a deadly virus killing people, I wouldn’t be wrong in thinking that everything is as it should be.

However, even though on the outside things appear to be normal, things are far from normal, are they? Many people have unfortunately lost their lives and many many more are living in tremendous fear for their lives and it’s this fear I want to address in greater detail in this post.

I’m not going to go into the ins and outs of the Corona situation, but what I do want to do, is to talk about what we can do to stay calm and how we can learn more about what it is that’s driving our fears. 

I want to also share some tips with you on how you can befriend your fears, so they no longer have the power to control you.

Indeed the Corona situation has drastically changed our daily experience of life, hasn’t it? But it’s perhaps the reporting of the crisis that has led many to feel almost crippled by their fears, resulting in what can only be described as existential suffering. People are scared for their lives because they have no idea whether they will also fall victim to this virus.

But this is where we need to take a deep breath and take a little step back.

Firstly, let’s look at how our thoughts impact our experiences and consequently, the degree to which we can be affected. 

Our thoughts are incredibly powerful, because it’s the repeating thoughts we have, that ultimately create our reality. However, it’s also true that just because we’re having a thought, doesn’t make that thought true. Yet, from thoughts come our actions and from our actions, come the resulting experience.

So, if we allow ourselves to buy totally into the pervading fear and allow them to take control of our hearts and minds, the results can be as detrimental to our health as the virus itself.

I would go as far as to say that fear is our worst enemy in a situation like this.

Chronic fear has the potential to negatively impact so many systems in our bodies and can actually weaken our immune system, damage our endocrine system, and of course affect other important health parameters; such as our quality of sleep, which in turn makes us more even more vulnerable to disease.

When we’re confronted with fear, what most of us try to do is to push away what we’re feeling. We refuse to acknowledge our fears and we instead try to run away and hide in an attempt to deny what we feel.

However, the energy we use in trying to push away our fears only serves to make us even more fearful. 

We additionally speak constantly about the thing we’re afraid of to anyone who will listen. Yet, doing this only gives our fears more power and energy, which again only serves to make us even more fearful.

So, instead of allowing fear to take over, wouldn’t it be more beneficial for us to try to befriend our fears?

Befriending my fear is something I had to learn, because like you, I was also used to pushing my fears away. 

I’d like to share the story of how I learned with you all.

A few years ago, in 2016 to be exact, a friend sent me a link to a video she had found helpful, which she thought could also help me. Watching this video planted some very important seeds in me, giving me the tools to help me befriend my fears, exactly when I needed to.

The video was called “Respecting the shadow” by a teacher called Matt Kahn. I didn’t watch the whole video, as it was well over an hour long, but the part I did watch, gave me the vital information that would come to my rescue about a week later.

Kahn talks about giving time and respect to all the shadow aspects of ourselves, the so-called negative emotions such as anger, sadness, cruelty, laziness, rage, fear, etc.

He questions and asks why we push away these shadows and especially our fears, without giving them the due care and attention they deserve. 

Fear, he adds, is just as important as all the other emotions we experience, so why should we only value the positive emotions and undervalue the negative ones? Kahn speaks about honouring our fears and treating them like a revered guest in our house.

This was a completely new perspective for me—a perspective I had never considered before. 

However, this new viewpoint really helped me a week or so later when I sat in a Vipassana meditation center and suddenly started having a panic attack.

I recollect exactly what triggered my panic…I remember watching my thoughts and being aware of the constant mind chatter going on so loudly in my head. While I watched my mind in action, a thought popped up, which said: “you have no control of this mind, it will never stop talking”. Well, the idea of not having control over my mind, immediately triggered a fear inside and I started to feel hot, which quickly led to hyperventilation and then to cry.

My fear overwhelmed me completely to the point that I couldn’t breathe. I ran out of the meditation hall in panic and tears. 

I was asked to speak with the assistant teacher, who reassured me and gave me some tips, to help me handle my panic, should it happen again.

I realised that because I BELIEVED the thought (that I had no control over my mind and its chatter), this escalated into “I’ll never have control of my thoughts.” Which at that time meant, if I didn’t have control of my thoughts, I wouldn’t be able to meditate. 

The thought triggered a sense of panic inside because I was only into day two of an eight-day silent meditation course, where I would be required to sit in meditation for up to 10 hours a day.

How would I be able to do that if I couldn’t control my thoughts?

Luckily, when I went back to the meditation hall after my chat with the teacher, I sat down and immediately remembered Kahn’s advice about honouring our fears.

(I really believe that if I hadn’t remembered his words, I wouldn’t have been able to continue with the meditation course, because the panic I felt just kept on repeating itself.)

So, when the thoughts that previously overwhelmed me, popped into my head once again, instead of going into a panic, I was able to observe these fears.

I welcomed the fear of not having control of my thoughts. 

My fear appeared to me as a physical person—looking like a menacing man, wearing a dark coat and hat…he looked a bit like Freddy Kruger from the Halloween films. Although he felt sinister, instead of pushing him away, I acknowledged him as my fear.

I bowed to him and began praising him, using words like “ I honour you, I welcome you, I thank you, you are loved, I love you, you are beautiful, you are my valued friend” etc…

As I praised fear, I began to feel his energy and face begin to change. His energy went from feeling hostile to feeling welcoming and his face changed from sinister to smiling.

The more positivity I gave to my fear, the less fearful I became and the more calm and relaxed I began to feel. I kept repeating the praise, until fear totally disappeared, leaving me feeling calm enough to be able to continue, unhindered with my meditation. 

I had to repeat this process many times during the course of that eight-day meditation program, but what I learned is this: It’s true that I didn’t have any control over my thoughts, but what I could control, was my reaction to those thoughts.

By changing my attitude and approach to my fear, befriending and honouring it instead of treating it with contempt and denial, I was able to dissolve it.

By giving fear the same care, attention, and welcome that I give my positive thoughts and emotions, I was able to pacify my fear and this is something you can also do.

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed by fear, don’t do what you’ve always done.

Follow these simple steps instead 

1. Acknowledge that you feel fearful
2. Breathe in and out and try to relax
3. Ask yourself if the thoughts that triggered your fear are true
4. Observe your fear for a few moments
5. Try to see where your fear is coming from ( the cause)
6. If you believe that the thoughts that made you fearful are true, then start praising your fear
7. Honour your fear and welcome it into your house
8. Treat fear as you would a dear friend
9. Keep praising your fear until you begin to feel more calm, relaxed and fearless
10. Keep repeating, until your fear is totally dissolved.
11. Try to see what your fear was trying to teach you

Although fear can be extremely challenging, you don’t need to be overwhelmed by them. Remember that just because you’re having a thought, doesn’t make that thought true. You can change the impact your fears have on you, by challenging your thoughts.

 

When you change your attitude toward your fears, over time, you can learn to value, befriend and eventually dissolve even your most crippling fears.